Planet Proctor 2007 Volume 19

“War is peace; freedom is slavery; ignorance is strength.” ~ George Orwell “1984”


        That would be July 28th, 2007 – the day Kristin Proctor became Kristin Campbell and I turned 67.

        As my regular readers know, the wedding, beautifully planned and executed by Kristin and her fiancé, Geoffrey Campbell, took place overlooking the bay on the lovely green lawns of Brock House, in sunny Vancouver.

        That morning, my darling wife, Melinda, had taken me entirely by surprise with a birthday gathering of many friends in the lobby of the Sheraton Wall Centre. Thanks to Rob & Phyllis, Hans & Vera, David & Judith, Charlie Moed, Sam Joseph, the Crabtrees and the Benders for being there for us and for Kristin and Geoff.

        Too many pictures were taken, and eventually I hope to put together an album for you all to peruse, but in the meantime, here’s a taste and     you can also see Kristin’s picks at or scroll down to KRISTIN + GEOFF

        AND BY THE WAY – You can see “Kristin Proctor” on “Entourage” this coming Sunday!  Warm up the TiVos…





"Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand." ~ Mark Twain


           And here is a highly edited taste of my obligatory toast to Mr. Geoffrey Campbell, eldest son of the Premier of British Columbia, the Hon. Gordon Campbell.

           Thank you, merci, tak skal du ha, and go raibh meth agat, eh? I hope that covers all the families present here today from all over the globe – the English, the North Americans and French-Canadians, the Norwegians and the Scots…

           Ah, the Scots!  For centuries, they fought the Vikings, the English, The Irish and themselves. My wife, Melinda is Swedish on her father’s side and Scots on her mother’s.  She’s a Mc Dougall, and upon a recent trip to one of her ancestral castles at Dustaffnage near Oban, constructed in the 13th Century to prevent raids by the Norwegians - from whom they are descended, but then isn’t everybody? – we learned that in 1470, after the McDougalls were defeated by Robert Bruce in the Scottish Wars of Independence – (Don’t ask) -- The Campbells were granted possession. And I’m sure that’s why my wife couldn’t get into her own family castle at half-price…

           The name “Campbell” is derived from two Gaelic words, “cam” meaning “twisted” and “Beul” meaning “mouth.” “Twisted mouth.” (To Geoff) Are you thinking about going into politics?

The Campbells are of course best remembered in history for the massacre, in 1692, of 38 MacDonalds in an act of unparalled treachery, in which the heads of the clan of the Golden Arches were called together for a peace conference and served poisoned Campbell’s soup at a great banquet – (ominously) not unsimilar to this one…

But who cares!  Eat Hearty!  Because I don’t know about you, but on this happy day, it’d take a lot more than a little food poisoning to stop me from celebrating!

           …And so, let us raise our glasses now to one of the greatest gifts a father could ever receive on his actual birthday  – here’s to my wonderful new son -- (And here I sang a short Russian song, which means “Many Years!” because I can, ending with a toast to Geoff!)

           The next day, we visited with our new friends from the Mystery Writers’ Festival, Lance and Bianca Rucker, and then spent some heavenly days with Gordon, Nancy and their dear friends, the Moodies at their summer homes on Horseshoe Bay on the Sunshine Coast, finishing the journey with a visit to the Butchard Gardens in Victoria.

We’ll be back…

“Life is a constant Unlearning process…” ~ The Groundlings’ Kip King on his 70th birthday


        August 16th, I was informed by fellow Goshenite, Chris Yoder, and author of the Yoder Newsletter, was St. Yoder’s Day, and you can read a fanciful tale about him outsmarting the Devil at

My Amish Yoder ancestors came from the area that is now known as Switzerland around 500 B.C. They were called Celts because of the language they spoke and were renowned for their wit, their love of liberty, and their bravery in battle. (Well, two out of three, ain’t bad…) Soon they developed the Gaulish tongue, which evolved into modern German. Spreading as far west as England and Ireland, they were gradually absorbed by other races or eradicated by barbarians and the good old Romans.

In the fourth century A.D., a missionary monk named Theodo’rus crossed the Alps from Italy to spread the gospel to the Valais country of southern Switzerland. He ultimately became Bishop of a church there and as surnames became needed, a clan in the Canton of Bern adopted a shortened form of the name “Theodore” - Joder - as their surname. Thence the Yoders.

No, we weren’t Swiss “yodelers.”

   “ Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."~  W.B. Yeats


1.      It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2.       It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3.       It's important to have a woman you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4.       It's important to have a woman who’s good in bed and likes to be with you.

5.       It's very, very important - that these four women do not know each other…

    74% of bald or balding men said they would sacrifice the size of their private parts to get their hair back. ~ Phil’s Phunny Phacts


Two hunters hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them he can take only three moose. The two objected strongly, stating; "Last year we shot six moose and the guys told him that the last bush pilot let them put all six on board and he had the same size plane as his.”

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few minutes after takeoff.

Climbing out of the wreck, one asked the other, "Any idea where we are?" And his dazed partner replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

      "I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."  Lily Tomlin


        Finally! The simple concept of installing internal locks on classroom doors to prevent another tragic on-campus massacre seems to be getting traction! Planeteer Tom McMahon forwarded me a Fox News piece that sums it up pretty well.

        "Often it's the simple stuff that will prevent a tragedy like this, and often it's the simpler things that will make the bigger difference," said Michael Dorn, a campus safety consultant and author of 19 books on the topic. "It's not the complex systems that cost millions of dollars."

        "A lock on a classroom door may cost $50 to $150, maybe $200 with installation, and it would certainly add a layer of protection that a security camera that's being remotely monitored may not afford," said Robert Siciliano, chief executive officer of and author of "The Safety Minute: Living on High Alert."

        Colorado, the site of several school shootings including the 1999 massacre at Columbine High School, has lead the push to put locks on the inside of classrooms doors and at Virginia Tech, the site of the most recent violence, that would involve about 170 general-use classrooms spread across 2,600 acres. Remember, you heard it here first! Good Lock!

    “Act in life and life will act through you.  So will you also become one of the great people on earth.” ~ Dr. Ernest Holmes, “Creative Mind and Success”


Nick Oliva, Suzanna Mast, Stevie Vallance, Bonnie Peterson, Bob Riddle, Doug Stone, Jonathan Lynne, Patty Paul, Bill Coombs, Robert Lloyd, Rich Carlson, Scott W. Langill, Thom Hartman for his daily inspiration on Air America…

…and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the love of my life, Melinda!!!

















      The Word of the Day is BOZONE:  “The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.”~ The Urban Dictionary


© 2007 by Phil Proctor
Published August 17, 2007