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WHY THEY CALL IT "THE BIZ"I've been very busy for the last three weeks, not just working, but preparing to work (and play) in Europe. So, after a weekend in the Fens with our pals the Whites, Melinda and I train to London for two days for more socializing and to be read by Susie the Psychic, a renowned seer who just completed a TV run produced by hubby, Chris Barr, and who writes a column for the Daily Mail. If Susie says it's ok, we then jet to Dublin and straight into rehearsals and promotional appearances where Melinda will portray Coleen, a famous American romance writer and I her hen-pecked husband, ex-talk show host, stuttering Herbert, in "The Ghost Behind the Black Door", a half-hour comic chiller for award-winning Roger Gregg's "Crazy Dog Live" series on RTE' Radio 1, National Irish Radio. Visit crazydoglive@rte.ie for more, if you think you can take it! The show will be performed with live audience participation (one of Roger's trademarks) on Saturday morning, October 12th at 11:02am (sic) and will be available on line from the RTE archive the week following on http://www.radio1.ie Then it's off to Tuscany with our friends Phyllis and Rob for rest, recreation and Italian and eating lessons. We leave on Friday and return on the 23rd. HOLD THE EMAIL, please!!! We're off line and under the radar! |
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"In Italy, many men over 60 are having chemically assisted sex. They call it 'La dolce Viagra.'" - Newsweek |
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EAT OR BE EATENWhen America was being settled, a group of people
headed west in a wagon train. Their inexperienced leader soon became
lost. They were getting desperate when they came over a hill and
saw an old Jewish gentleman beneath a tree. The leader rushed to
the old man and said, "We're lost and running out of food.
Can you help us?" |
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"The Cheese should feel quite solid and straight...trying to create some kind of order between the sadistic schizoid Bacon and the Snack Cake." - Ad copy notes |
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WHILE I WAS AWAY...All Hell was breaking loose. The mayor of Le Lavandou
on the French Cote d'Azur banned his fellow citizens from dying.
The existing cemetery was full and the mayor wasn't granted
permission to establish a new one. |
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"I live in Mexico, so I don't do anything and I don't start that til noon." - Jerry Van Dyke |
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DRIVE, HE SAIDKeith Mast says that three men met at a party, and it wasn't long until the conversation got around to their work and what kind of cars they drove. "I'm a veterinarian," said the first fellow, "so I drive a white Vette." As they smiled and nodded, the second man said, "I own a sign company, so I drive a purple Neon." The third guy was suddenly quiet until the other two egged him on. "Well", he finally said, "I'm a proctologist and I have a brown Probe. |
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"People who play jazz have more fun than the people listening to them." -Robert Dubac in "The Male Intellect: an Oxymoron?" |
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GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUNThe "Harry Potter" toy broomstick from Mattel has a vibrating feature That's a bit too popular with teenage girls. The "Nimbus 2000" is a plastic battery-powered replica of the broom used in Quidditch matches by the boy wizard in "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." It features a stick and a handle for "easy riding," according to Toysrus.com, and, enhancing the excitement are the "vibrating effects." It's a big hit and hits the spot. |
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"In today's corporate America one could say we're suffering from an embezzlement of riches." - Phil Proctor |
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BROKEN RECORDS?In Finland, Estonians captured the world wife-carrying contest for the fifth year using the patented Estonian carry -- where the wife squeezes her thighs on the sides of the man's face while hanging upside down on his back. The prize was the wife's weight in beer. Other milestones recently confirmed by the Guinness Book of Records (we'll drink to that) were Most Persons Wearing Fake Groucho Glasses and Moustache (522); Most Live Honeybees Held Inside a Human Mouth (109); Most People Flossing Simultaneously with the Same Piece of Floss (297); Longest Ear Hair (4 inches, India); and Most Balloon Animals Sculpted in One Hour (494 in Pennsylvania). And they say the world is on the brink of war! |
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"If we want to sell American democracy, by God, we have to live it." -Former weapons inspector, Scott Ritter |
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YUCKEE! There once was a mountain named Yucca, By Aerialist/poet Montana Miller @ www.montanamiller.com |
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"I'm not saying Bush is dim, but it takes him 2 hours to watch '60 Minutes.'" - Phil's Phunny Phacts |
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1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans. |
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"Over 17 million work days were lost when 135,000 television, radio and film actors went on strike against advertisers for several month." - NY Times |
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THIS IS REALLY GOOFYWhy does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours; aren't they both dogs! Well, not exactly, explains Planet Researcher Ed Ryba. Mickey's dog, Pluto, is indeed a dog. Goofy, on the other hand is a strange cartoon subspecies called a "dawg". Goofy started out in life circa 1929 as "Dippy Dawg" and the Disney animators affectionately nicknamed him "Dippy The Goof", or "The Goof" for short, which soon became "Goofy". The only other example of this subspecies surfaced around 1959 from Terrytoons studio -- Deputy Dawg. |
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"The highest purpose is to have no purpose at all. This puts one in accord with nature in her manner of operation." - John Cage (from Gary Belkin) |
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OFF WE GOI dedicate this orbit to my late mother, Audre Jane (Yoder) Proctor, who would have turned 88 today; and my dear daughter Kristin and her beau Geoff, celebrating 11 months together tomorrow. Proctor and Campbell. |
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"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with." - From Patty Paul |
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TO DO...Listen to The Firesign Theatre on "All Things Considered", tomorrow; and phone the White house at 202-456-1111, between 9-5 EST to say "I oppose" or "I approve" of the proposed war against Iraq. And, says Gary Belkin, comedy writer and military strategist, "How the Hell are we going to establish a beachhead in Iraq when the whole country is a beach?" |
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PLANET PROCTOR |